2017,

2017,

I’ve decided not to do a 2016 recap because I want to do something different.  I always make recaps, haha.

These past few days, I’ve been in conversation with the Lord and asking Him to give me a glimpse into what 2017 might look like for me.  I’ve always did things my way; always pursuing and prioritizing my wants.  And I’ve come to terms with the fact that this life has never been about me to begin with and that it’s always about God and His will.  So I’ve made it a goal for myself to make 2017 a year for God’s will to manifest in my life.  And in that moment, God has revealed two things to me. Many passions and visions that God has placed in my heart revolve around these two concepts…

2017 is to be a year of new beginnings and intentionality.

New beginnings

“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him” (Psalm 40:3)

The latter part of 2016 became a transitional period for me.  God has truly been faithful and good to me, pouring blessings in my life; I got engaged to my best friend and the love of my life, I bought a new car, and Franzon and I had received a pressing in our hearts to lead our young adult ministry at church. I am very much humbled with God’s provisions. But I’ve realized that great blessings come with greater responsibility and I’ve noticed that the blessings and the call that the Lord has given me demands sacrifice and responsibility from myself in order for these new beginnings to come to fruition.  And God has really been prepping me in this season.  In a few months or so, I’m going to embark on a new journey in my life as a wife and partner to my husband.  Franzon and I are slowly being transitioned out from leading youth to young adults, which is an entirely different ballpark.  Involvement in church has been so evident among my young adult peers; a new direction that our church is heading into.

And none of this was orchestrated by me;  it was all God.  And for HIS PURPOSE. And just as the verse says above, all of these blessings are new songs that the Lord has put in my mouth and in my heart.  These are all just means to give praise, honor, and glory to Him, for the sake of people seeing Him; His goodness, His faithfulness, and his beauty and majesty and put their trust in Him.  I am just a vessel used for His glory and I am honored to be a part of His great plan and I can’t wait to see what God has in store.

Intentionality

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound” (Isaiah 61:1)

I realized intentionality comes in two parts: initiation and follow through.  I am horrible at initiating and I am horrible at follow through.  So I guess you can say intentionality is not my strong suit, haha.  And I guess this is where God is going to press and hone me.  I need to be more intentional with my passions, my goals, my plans, my relationships, my friendships, spreading the Gospel, etc. If I’m going to do something, I need to follow through with it.

Jesus was always intentional with everything that He did.  He was always intentional because there was purpose behind it, which was to reveal His glory and His majesty.  With that being said, I think I am just as called to be intentional with everything that I say or do, for His glory.  My life is supposed to reflect what the Lord has done in my life and sometimes, when I take a step out of myself, I have to question my motives.  “Are you reflecting Jesus?” is the question I always ask. Because everything that I do or say is supposed to be a reflection of who God is.  If God is supposedly my Lord and my Savior,  but I live contrary to what His Word says, then that defeats the purpose.

As a Christian who has submitted her whole entire life to God, I’ve surrendered the will of my flesh and submitted to His will.  

This.. is something that I forget ALL THE TIME.  It’s hard for me to distinguish things of this world and things of the Kingdom; or… okay fine, it’s not hard.  I just choose the things of this world over things of the Kingdom.  (Man, the convictions of the Lord are so real, haha.) So because of this back and forth, it’s hard for me to commit to being intentional. But in this very moment, I need to decide what is important, and Jesus is way more important to me than my selfish desires.  Choosing my will tells God that my ways are better than His ways.  I’m done giving myself excuses to not be intentional and prevent me from fulfilling God’s purpose for my life.  The verse above is a reminder of that purpose.  There is a huge calling on my life to do the will of the Father, and it’s about time that I actually believe that.

2016 was a year of grace and a year that I stepped into my calling. and now it’s time to pursue it head on in 2017.  It’s not always going be sunshine and daisies, but I trust that God has it all taken care of.  He always has.

So Lord, thank you for what you brought in 2016.  Let’s get 2017 rolling, shall we?

Selah.

CVRDNGRACE

CVRDNGRACE

Hey guys!

I need to be a bit more consistent with this.  But at the same time, I don’t want to blog for the sake of blogging, just to check it off my list. I want to give you guys something worth reading, instead of me ranting about my day, haha! Quality > quantity, any day!

Anyways, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.  First year I’ve missed writing those yearly thanksgiving posts.  Don’t think that I’m not thankful; I was just lazy to write one this year! But it’s December now, the last month of the year.  It’s crazy to see how fast time flies.  I feel that the older you get, the faster the years go by.  I was just barely getting used to 2016, and now I have to transition over to 2017 in just a few weeks.

I know it’s a bit too early to look back at 2016, but I’m feeling a bit reflective at this moment.

If there is a phrase that I can sum up my entire year or two, I’d have to say it is…

Covered in grace. 

The thing that remains constant in my ever changing life is God’s grace; a gift that I had a difficult time embracing, a gift that I could not understand for the life of me.

I’ve struggled with so many vices ever since I was a young girl growing up and some of those things continued to haunt me during my early 20s.  (I will save that for another blog post).  But despite every shortcoming and every wrong turn in my life, God was there with me every step of the way.

God’s grace and love is relentless and is always in pursuit of my heart.  I have never felt such a love like this in my life.  And it took me awhile to see that and take notice of Him.  But once I grabbed hold of Him, I can’t live my life without Him.

I don’t know how else to live now.  

I just want to make clear though.  I am not perfect.  People have this stigma on Christians, framing us perfect, sinless, pure.  I am neither of those three nor will I ever be in my lifetime.  (Thank God I’m not perfect. I’d go crazy) But I have a perfect, pure, and sinless Jesus who covers me, who vouches for me, and truly believes I’m worth it.  My motivation is to not be perfect, but allow Jesus to be perfect for me, in my weakness. And follow the life that He lived. 

So this statement, CVRDNGRACE, is a reminder for myself on how to live. It is not a license to sin, but it’s a realization that my life was bought with a price through the blood of Jesus, an act of love that is illogical and crazy, yet saved me from myself, forever.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:1-6)

Selah.

Starting over.

I’m back!

So I decided that I wanted to start over again. And coming back meant that I had to let go of everything that I had ever wrote, and leave it in its rightful place: the past.

My decision to come back to this, even though I have another blog that I’m handling, is that I needed a place to just be…me.  I just needed a space where I could freely talk about emotions that I’m feeling, thoughts that I’m thinking.  A place that I can call my own; a place where I can be as transparent and as vulnerable as possible.

I was going through my old posts, all the way from 2009, where I was this naive 18 year old teenager.  As I read some of the posts, if there was one thing that I could tell my 18 year old self, it’s this..

you are an idiot.

I just shook my head at my stupidity and my self-righteousness, and just wanted to smack myself in the head, haha!

However, despite of how ignorant and naive I was, I was very open and bold about my thinking and my writing.  I wrote every single day.  EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Even if it was just a one-liner, I made sure I wrote.

I wrote about what I did that day, I wrote about a thought, I wrote corny appreciation posts to my friends, I wrote about music, culture, etc.  I wrote about anything that popped up into my head that day.

Looking at my 25 year old self now, I ask myself: what happened? Where did that passion of writing go? Why are you so reserved now? You have so much to say, don’t contain it.

And it’s true.  I do have a lot to say, but I’m scared. Scared of opposition.  Scared of saying too much.  Scared of being offensive.  Scared of not knowing my facts and making myself look like an idiot.  All these thoughts run in my head; probably the reasons why I don’t write as much as I did.

But I know that God instilled this characteristic in my 18 year old self for a reason.  If there was something that I could take back, it would be my passion and eagerness and boldness to just be honest. And this is going to be the start of the journey. My step forward is taking a piece of myself in the past that I know will bring something positive out of my 25 year old self.

I’m ready.